Children Are Well Into the Game of Life - Maybe You Screwed Up and What to Do Now


As can be easily shown, we never know how life will unfold. The twists and turns of life look quite different than back in those early years of baby bottles and diapers and Christmas morning. Many things happened that surprised us. And in some cases the parent might feel he or she didn't do quite the job they wished they had done in raising their children. The weight of life can vary significantly on any person, but one thing for sure, nothing could ever erase the love that is there yet it might show up as a missing.

I know someone who attempted to strangle his child out of anger and he's in prison now, in and out for short periods of time mostly for alcohol and drugs use. He doesn't see his 20 year old but on a rare occasion. We all know stories of one sort or another where parents no longer see their children because there is so much animosity between them. The children don't want to see them anymore or the parents would rather not see them than experience their feelings of guilt or shame or failure for not being all they really wanted to be for their children. You know the love is so deep and the hurt is so strong that they can not cross that chasm between where there are and what they'd have to do to mend it. And in the process they might fail and suffer that painful loss once again.

This is not an uncommon occurrence. At some level all parents have at least one or two deep regrets in the raising of their children. And still some have significantly more. There is something really great about a parent that can teach a child the importance of letting go of the mistakes they themselves have made. Sooner or later they might have children of their own. Children believe they will be different in raising their own, without realizing either way they are acting out of a resistance they still might harbor for their parents.

We learn a great deal from our parents. I'm sure you've heard someone vow how they would never bring up their kids the way their parents raised them. Well more often than not the way their parents raised them will influence the way they bring up their own child. If you have learned to resist your parents, you will teach your child how to resist without even knowing it.

The emotional knots developed between a parent and child can be untied by you. The struggling parents hold their end of the rope and by working to free themselves from the emotions they can produce miracles in their relationship with their children.

A dad who doesn't see his daughter because it is too painful, because his love for her is so strong, and feels he has been an 'unworthy' father, only needs to realize that the knot that is in him is costing his daughter or son much joy. It is knotted in them as well and untying it allows the flow of freedom and joy. It does not mean there must be close ties between one another but there should be a peace between one another, knowing the love is there. That is the beginning and from that point on you can move in a more joyful direction. That is a wise aim.

You can even be in prison and maybe never have the possibility of seeing or even speaking to your child again but you can allow yourself to give up focusing on the identity self, that piece in the game, the Scotty Dog if you will, and focus instead on the joy of life. Who you are as your divine self is the joy and love and kindness that is at the heart of why you can even feel as you do.

Your ability to do so will inevitably show your child the wisdom in raising children in an authentic way. It can demonstrate the hands on life experience that letting go of ones unworkable choices in life are better than carrying self blame and resentment. These are usually very powerful emotions as they are rooted in the deepest love one can experience, the love between children and their parents. Negative emotions should be let go of, released. Your hanging onto them in no way can free them up. In fact it is counter productive. Grand children learn by feeling, they know when there is discord there.

As a parent, do not act out of how you think your child will react. You are the center of the emotions you are experiencing. If the emotion is other than what you desire, look and see what it is you do wish to feel. At first it may even be painful to see that, so reach for the next better feeling thought you can, even if it's 'perhaps one day it will be better', or 'I am willing to have it all resolved', or if you are religious, 'I will allow Jesus to show me the way'.

If you willfully hold onto the past, the emotional memories will remain the reality. Instead look for all the moments that were joyful, that had smiles and laughter. Feel them, don't let them go. Know there is resolution; know that you will both end up couched in the sea of joy. Bring no pain to the present. Enjoy the recollection of the happy times, for what you give your attention to you make real.

When you are caught in your negative emotions ask yourself if you are willing to release them. Begin asking yourself with the smallest of items those things you are grateful for and appreciate about yourself, and keep reaching for better feeling thoughts as there is no value in entertaining anything less.

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